Flow and New Horizons

Since my exit from TFA and the world of elementary education, I have had lots of time to reflect and consider the new horizons that lay before us. 

In what my wife and I consider to be miraculous fashion, I was hired by Community Care College as a videographer to make media content for that college, as well as Clary Sage College and Oklahoma Technical College.  In this position I get to back movies, full time. Wahoo! 

My job is called "media assistant" and I am a member of the marketing department. This placement is unique and exciting to me because while I get to use skills I developed as a film student at BYU, I am also in an educational environment that is completely new to me. Initially when I learned that Community Care is a for-profit organization I felt slightly repulsed. However, in the short time I have been here my mind has been opened to the impact and quality of education a group of highly thoughtful and good people can bring about. 

As I have been reading Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience I realized that one reason I love my new job is it enables me to have meaningful work to do, that requires complex skills at an increasing rate. I am not overwhelmed, and neither am I bored - I am experiencing the "Goldilocks Effect" as Dan Pink calls it. My task is "just right". Time flies as I plan, shoot, and edit projects. I get immense pleasure from struggling with the unique challenges each project gives me. The good news is, I have the skill to engage with these challenges. I feel that is why I suffered so much as a teacher: my skill level was obliterated by the sheer challenges and complexity of effective instruction, causing me severe psychic entropy. 

Anyway, here is the first project I made in my new position. 

Beyond being allowed to enjoy lots of time "in flow" at my job, I am also overjoyed by the fact that work ends at 5 p.m. and then I go home and have time to spend with my family and improve myself in new ways. Recently I decided I want to improve art skills. I have drawn seriously since I was a kid, and I only stopped because I believed I wasn't as good as I should be if I was serious with drawing. 

So each evening I spend some time watching instructors on YouTube and am finding an immense source of flow doing that. I have uploaded a few of my drawings below. 

As I have been drawing, I occasionally think to myself, "Why am I doing this? What good can come out of this? It isn't like I am hoping to get a job as an illustrator or animator or anything!" But then I remember the sentiment and lesson expressed from Flow.

"Amateur and Dilettante . . . Nowadays these labels are slightly derogatory. An amateur or a dilettante is someone not quite up to par, a person not to be taken very seriously, one whose performance falls short of professional standards. But originally, "amateur," from the Latin verb amare, "to love," referred to a person who loved what he was doing. Similarly a "dilettante," from the Latin delectare, "to find delight in," was someone who enjoyed a given activity. The earliest meanings for these words therefore drew attention to experiences rather than accomplishments; they described the subjective rewards individuals gained from doing things, instead of focusing on how well they were achieving." 

Though I still consider myself an amateur filmmaker (and artist in general), there is no reason for me to allow that fact to rob any sense of enjoyment from the process of creation. 

Perhaps my favorite section in the book is called "The Waste of Free Time." This section isn't about cramming your life full of activities and events, rather it is about how often Americans "fill" free time with activities that are utterly draining and mind-numbing.

"Hobbies that demand skill, habits that set goals and limits, personal interests, and especially inner discipline help to make leisure what it is supposed to be - a chance for re-creation. . . instead of using our physical and mental resources to experience flow, most of us spend man  hours each week watching celebrated athletes playing in enormous stadiums. Instead of making music, we listen to platinum records cut by millionaire musicians. Instead of making art, we go to admire paintings that brought in the highest bids at the latest auction. WE do not run risk acting on our beliefs, but occupy hours each day watching actors who pretend to have adventures, engaged in mock-meaningful action." 

Kas and I do watch Downton Abbey and Sherlock, but apart from that I am really trying to embrace new hobbies or activities that will challenge me to improve myself - and use the faculties I have been blessed with. Said C K Brightbill (and quoted in Flow),"The future will belong not only to the educated man, but the man who is educated to use his leisure wisely." 

Psychic Entropy and Educational Pornography

In his seminal book, Flow, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi explains the state of mind called psychic entropy by relating a story of a assembly line worker who ends up in a very frustrating and extreme position. This particular worker had a tire on his car that was low on air and he didn't have the money to replace it. He continued to fill it up in the morning before work and in the evening when he drove home as he anticipated his next income check. He finally lost control of things at work and snapped at the other employees. "All through the day he worried: 'Will I make it home tonight? How will I get to work tomorrow morning?' These questions kept intruding in his mind, disrupting concentration on his work and throwing a pall on his moods."

This man, Csikszentmihalyi continues, "is a good example of what happens when the internal order of the self is disrupted. The basic pattern is always the same: some information that conflicts with an individual's goals appears in consciousness. Depending on how central that goal is to the self and on how severe the threat to it is, some amount of attention will have to be mobilized to eliminate the danger, leaving less attention free to deal with other matters . . . prolonged experience of this kind can weaken the self to the point that it is no longer able to invest attention and pursue its goals"(p.37).

After reading this a few days ago, I experienced a short-lived moment of euphoria that someone had actually put into writing the exact feeling I have been experiencing for the last four months. I have always struggled to make decisions, especially when it comes to whether my choices directly could effect the feelings and opinions of others. As a new father (and fairly recently married man), a new professional, a recent graduate, and a new citizen of Oklahoma I am only now realizing the full impact of balancing all these roles and expectations. The result is near complete paralysis.

Perhaps one of the biggest contributors to my feelings of psychic entropy is my own unrealistic perception of what successful teaching looks like. Until recently I think that deep down I thought I could be that teacher who jumps on the desk and yells Carpe Diem! and captures the imagination of my young and eager students on a daily - no hourly - basis. In short, until this point it is likely I have been under the influence of educational pornography.

In a short and illuminating post by +Bryce Bunting the idea of educational pornography is explained more fully. Films like Stand and Deliver, or Freedom Writers often captivate and inspire audiences, but don't necessarily paint a realistic idea of what teachers can and should be doing in the classroom.

The reality is that very few teachers have the time, energy, or disposition to approach teaching in the super-human way that is subtly advocated for in these kinds of films. And, when teachers are made to feel that they should all be like Ron Clark (one of the new breed of "inspiring," "innovative," and superstar educators), frustration, hopelessness, and feelings of failure won't be far behind.

Don't get me wrong, the Ron Clarks of the world aren't imaginary. They are real and they are wonderful. However, it is clear that living a balanced and healthy life while maintaining this super teacher lifestyle is simply not sustainable for me or most people in general. 

So I will continue on my way, doing my best. What more can I do, then give my all within the boundaries my mental, physical, and spiritual health will allow? I hope to overcome my sense of psychic entropy and begin making some steps forward. 

"So much in life depends on our attitude. The way we choose to see things and respond to others makes all the difference. To do the best we can and then to choose to be happy about our circumstances, whatever they may be, can bring peace and contentment." 

—Thomas S. Monson, "Living the Abundant Life", Liahona and Ensign, January 2012